This Isn't A Lesson, Sorry(:

I just wanted to share with you guys
What I've been going through(:
Because it's with you guys,
That all my troubles fade away(:

You see, my life has been pretty bad lately.
It's been a bad roller coaster ride.
Where you want to get off,
But you just have to stay and puke your guts out.

From the most important thing,
To the Least.

1) I'm a very jealous person.
I'm someone who wants what others have.
And I will forever be envying others.
Even if I don't need it.
I just want it.

2) Rejection
It's really horrid.
The feeling of rejection.
Most of my classmates got into both VJ and NJ,
and they choose to deny the opportunity.
But I got rejected by both schools.
Then I started to think that maybe,
Just MAYBE, God may have plans for me.
And that there was a reason to stay in MG.
So I waited.
And there's this Student Leadership programme,
It's pretty cool.
And 137 people signed up for it,
and 107 got in.
The funny thing is that I met the criteria perfectly.
But I was part of the 30.
I didn't make the cut.
And ALL my classmates got in.
To be rejected by other schools is one thing,
but to be rejected by your own school.
Is just disgusting.
And I got really pissed off.
Because there's so many of my classmates,
Who seem perfect.
They have excellent grades,
Acceptance to JCs,
Teacher's Pets,
Awards and Achievements,
And they got into this programme.
And they choose to deny it.
Which sucks quite bad.

3) Chinese lessons are unbearable
Honestly, my chinese used to be PRO.
In sec 1, I'd top level in Oral.
End Year Compo.
My papers would top too.
My chinese teacher adored me.
I didn't even have to touch the chinese textbook.
I'd be helping my friends with their tingxie during lesson.
And I'd be stoning and doodling during lesson.
This year, I'm in HMT.
Higher Mother Tongue.
And to me, it's hell.
For the first term, I managed to top the class
in the first test.
But it didn't last.
My teacher started making fun of my pronounciation,
And she'd take my homework and be all
" All of you did very well, except Amadea. I have no idea
What she is doing. I mean, take a look? See.
This error here. And here. What is this? It's like shit."
Just in chinese.
And she'd put it up on the visualizer to humiliate me.
So my confidence went from 100 to -100.
And I just can't do chinese anymore.
Which affects my other grades too.
Because chinese used to be a breeze,
Suddenly it's hell.
So I just don't trust my studying techniques,
I didn't trust me.
And my grades just flopped.
Plus, my chinese teacher tells me to
'Go and Die'
On a daily basis.
It's very bad for my moral esteem?

4) The EOYs are coming
My school thinks we're geniuses.
I have ten chapters of History,
Ten for Geog,
Five Essay writing styles for LA,
Merchant Of Venice for Lit,
Four chapters of Bio,
20 Chapters for Math
Three Chapters of Physics,
Three Chapters of chinese and 100 cheng yus.

Plus, I have to know how to write a gong han.
Excuse me?

10 + 10 + 1book + 5 + 4 +20 + 3 +4 + 3 +100
= 167 Chapters

It's not a very happy thing(:
And I just can't have them all memorised,
And in my head.
At my fingertips.
It's horrid.
So little time,
So much to do.

5) My classmates are demoralizing.
Last term, I decided to form a study group.
For the people in the East to gather and study.
I work best in groups(;
This term,
These two girls,
X and Y
( By the way, in Direct Proportion,
If X is varied directly to Y
The equation would be
X=KY)
Who are in the east and was in my study group.
They were planning a study session this Monday.
For the whole day.
And naturally, I thought I was invited.
But then I was sitting infront of Y during art.
And she was inviting non-east people.
So I was like,
"Yeah yah. Invite them, never invite me."
And she was like,
" Sorry la. I can't. My mom said
'If Amadea goes, I won't let you go'"
And that just hurt quite badly.
And she didn't stop there.
This point leads all the way back to the Rejection bit.
But I was whatever with it.
But I honestly hate this kind of poop.
People who dare judge me without knowing me well enough.
And I got quite angered.
So I said VERY SWEETLY,
" You know, Y, it's quit ironic, don't you think?
If I'm so STUPID and can't study,
then why would I be in this class?
THE SECOND BEST CLASS IN THE LEVEL."
Then she was being all cute,
And texted me after school,
To apologize.
I'd forgive her,
But see.
Her text messages were so contradicting
To what she herself said to me that day.
Like
Text: Oh, I'm sorry(: I meant that my mom
says I can't study with more than one person.
Talk : My mom thinks you waste alot of time,
like the last time. So she says you're bad influence.
PLUS RIGHT. She said not more than one person,
but she was totally inviting random strangers.
It's all these lies that she tries to kid me with.
They're repulsive.
But still, I sucked it up and said.
" It's okay(: Really. I get super weird during exam periods(;
It's totally me, none of your fault(: Really. Sorry(: I was mean today."
I don't like the way she judged me.
I don't like the way she acted so high and mighty.
I don't like the way she told everyone in our clique
About what happened.
And got ALL of them to text me with texts saying
"Forgive Y la, she didn't mean it"
"You have to read Y's texts(:"
"Y is really sweet..."
And stuff whatsnots.


I'M DONE(:
Hahaha.
This seems like a ranting post(;
Mhm.

But anyway,
I'm sure after all this is over.
There would be a morale to it.
That I could post here too(;

If I die,
Please tell my parents to never look at my phone(;
Thank you(:
(:

So anyway,
If you guys want to study buddy anytime.
Sure(:
We can study together.

Just call me(:
-Amadea(: